26.

April Fools

Sunday, March 31 - 7:30a.m.

Jennifer woke up in room 1033 of Mercy Hospital and opened her eyes to see Mike sitting at her bedside. He smiled to her and said, “Hi, sleepyhead,” as she came to. She smiled back and managed a weak, “Hi.”

He asked, “How do you feel?”

There was a throbbing in her right arm and she felt groggy. “Funny,” she mumbled.

“They gave you drugs for the pain. You’ll need them for a while.”

She saw the I.V. dripping slowly into her left arm. The right arm was buried under huge bandages. “My arm?”

“The bone was shattered where the bullet hit. You were in surgery for three hours but they finally got the bullet out. You’ve only been out of the recovery room for a couple hours. They say you should be okay in a couple of months.”

She continued looking around. There was a large vase with two dozen long-stem red roses on her table. She thought, He must be the sweetest man alive. “For me?” she asked weakly.

“Roses to aid in healing,” he said, beaming. He was happy she noticed the roses, happy she was awake. Hell, he was happy she was alive.

She looked into his loving blue eyes. “You’re adorable, Mike.”

He smirked. “Well, they do say, ‘Oh come, let us adore him.’”

She laughed, but the pain caused her to wince and she bit her lip. “What about the trip to Israel?”

“I’m canceling the trip. I want to stay here with you.”

“No.” She thought it was sweet of him to cancel his trip to Israel just to stay by her side, but she couldn’t let him do it. She knew how much the trip meant to him. He needed this trip not only for soul-searching, but to find himself, to discover the purpose of his life.

“I can’t go without you, Jennifer. I want you there with me or I’m not going.”

“I guess you’ll just have to heal me then.” Her voice was weak, but this was as much a challenge to him as her previous challenges.

He was relieved that she was returning to her former self. “I’ll heal you, all right, but it’s going to involve a lot of touching.”

She smiled. “Can I get my first installment now?”

He smiled at her, then he bent down and kissed the bandage on her right arm. Then he hugged her gently. It was a long, loving hug and their eyes were both closed. She felt his unconditional love like a ray of sunshine in her heart.

Just then, her mother walked into the room and cleared her throat with a loud, “Ahem.”

Embarrassed, Mike stood up. He had never met Jennifer’s mother and didn’t know how she would react.

Jennifer said weakly, “Hi mom.”

Her mother rushed to her bed and said, “Oh, my God, Jennifer, look at you. You’re a wreck. Are you all right? I got here as soon as I could.”

She wasn’t concerned with her looks; she was in the hospital after all. What did concern her was her mom’s judgement of Mike and what questions she would raise. Naturally, she would wonder if he was her boyfriend. She didn’t know how to answer that one, since she didn’t even know. She was starting to feel like he was, but they had never even kissed. If he was her boyfriend, she would wonder why she hadn’t brought him over to meet her. Was she embarrassed of him?

She had to admit that he wasn’t much of a trophy to show mom. He was a biker, complete with a studded leather jacket and a Harley Davidson motorcycle. He was also a scruffy-looking rock singer, complete with long hair, beard and mustache. Would her mom think he was a two-bit loser? After all, he didn’t have a career and he didn’t have money. Hell, he didn’t even own a car. And forget the idea of telling her he was the reincarnation of Jesus Christ.

With her mom’s judgements of Mike would come judgements of her. Would her mom see her, not as the successful professional woman she was, but as some kind of heavy metal groupie, like some kind of misguided, irresponsible teenager? What kind of riffraff was she hanging around with, anyway? She drew in a deep breath and hoped she didn’t recognize him from the newspaper articles. “Mom, this is my friend Mike.”

He offered her a handshake, self-conscious about his long hair and rough biker exterior. She ignored him, casting him a look of disdain and then took her daughter’s hand instead.

Luckily, her mother withheld all the judgements until later. After her mom left, Mike stayed by Jennifer’s side the entire day, administering hourly hugs and tender kisses on the forehead. She slept off and on throughout the day. He read pages of Richard Bach’s The Bridge Across Forever while she slept, and while she was awake, he softly sang to her all the Beatles songs he knew.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night,

Take these broken wings and learn to fly,

All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arrive.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night,

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see,

All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Monday, April 1 - 9:30a.m.

Doctor Elders spoke into the telephone to another doctor as he examined the x-ray photo of Jennifer’s arm. “This has got to be some kind of April Fools’ joke. Not only is the bullet wound completely healed, her right humerus is completely mended. Aside from some minor scarring on the medial supracondylar ridge, you wouldn’t have known it had been shattered by a bullet”–he looked at his watch–“thirty-five hours earlier. I’m telling you: you have to see this yourself.” Elders paused while he listened. Then he said, “All right. Good. I’ll see you when you get here.”

He hung up the phone and spoke to Jennifer and Mike. “I’ve asked the doctor who operated on you yesterday morning to examine your arm. I’ve also ordered another set of x-rays. I don’t know what’s going on here, but your bullet hole seems to have just vanished into thin air.” He looked at Mike suspiciously, remembering his remarkable recovery. “Are you some kind of alien or something?”

Later that day, Jennifer was discharged from the hospital with a clean bill of health.

Excerpt from The Gospel According to Mike

He said, “There was once a man who took his health for granted. Every day he sat on the couch and watched television. One day, because of his laziness, he had a heart attack. He said, ‘I’ve made a mistake, but I am not ready to die yet’ and he turned his life around, focusing more on his health. He got plenty of exercise and took good care of his body, forsaking the television for the gym. After a long healthy life he died, as we all must, and this time he discovered his second mistake: He had taken his spiritual health for granted too. Do not go into the next world unprepared.”